Being far away from the one you love most is never easy. Whether you are 300 or 5,000 miles away, it feels distant. At times it can feel as if you are living two separate lives; your life in your hometown coupled with your daily routine and friends and then, life at your partners home.

I have been dating Chris for about 5 years now and for about 3.5 of those years we have been living in different cities. You could say that I am a “pro” at being in a long-distance relationship (LDR). Below I give the history of the different phases of my LDR as well as 7 TIPS for having a successful and healthy LDR (which can also be used for normal relationships as well)!

My Long Distance Relationship History:

Our relationship started off long-distance. I was in college at Cal Poly, living in SLO while Chris was living three hours north working at GoPro in San Mateo, California. In college, long distance had its pro’s and con’s. Pro's were that is was actually nice to have a break from my love (especially in the honeymoon phase). I was able to immerse myself in the true college experience; joining the Wake Boarding Club, going out with friends, living with my best girlfriends, and most importantly making time for studying. With the pro's came the con's. Every other weekend I was booking it North to see him. It felt like I was living two separate lives and unfortunately, I could feel that my best friends in college accepted that I was putting him first in a lot of situations, which left me feeling torn and sad by the time I graduated.

After college, I started working for GoPro’s Social Media Team as their Social Advocacy Manager. Chris and I were finally living in the same city and working for the same company. WOOHOO! I really enjoyed living my everyday life with Chris because unlike a LDR, I didn’t feel the need to be with him at every minute of each day because I knew I could see him for lunch or dinner later. It was a much more balanced life. Unfortunately, same city living didn’t last long. Chris’ dream has always been to live in Hawaii; being able to surf, kite-surf, and skydive every day in paradise. He worked out a deal with his manager at GoPro and was free to work remotely from the North Shore of Oahu. His dream finally came true!

Now we are farther apart than I could have ever imagined. All relationships take a lot of work, and long-distance ones just are no exception. It’s not easy but I hope my 7 tips for being in a LDR help you with your personal relationships, no matter what kind they are.

Erin’s 7 Tips for having a Successful and Healthy Long-Distance Relationship

7) Plan Your Next Visit and Make it an Adventure!

There is nothing better than having something to look forward to and having the person you love most involved in those plans! Learning new information and trying new things releases dopamine in your brain allowing you to retain information better and feel happier and more excited about life. Therefore, when you try new things with your partner, such as; exploring a new city, country or restaurant, learning a new sport or dance, or just taking a new path, your brain is naturally releasing endorphins, creating a happier bond between you and your partner. My advice; plan a new adventure, something that encompasses both of your passions and what you both love doing together!

6) Communication is Key!

I know this one is a cliché but it is so true. There is nothing worse than being in relationship and not hearing from your significant other (SO) for the whole day or even days. I know life can get busy but it is important to take the time to communicate with your SO. It shows them that you care and that you are thinking about them throughout your day.

Another important topic about communication is to always express how you feel. If you feel a certain way about how they are acting or treating you, it is important bring it up right away instead of allowing it to boil inside of you. One day, you will explode. Outrageous, irrational, and explosive fights are not healthy for anyone.

5) Think Back to the Honeymoon Stage + Keep it Alive

“Come, my darling, it is never too late to begin our love again” - Atticus

This one is my favorite pieces of advice because there is nothing more sweet and exciting than the honeymoon stage. I try to do everything in my power to keep pieces of this stage alive.

I do this by giving sweet kisses, planning weekends that give me butterflies, making special handmade gifts, being EXTRA lovey dovey, and doing something extra thoughtful once in awhile that you know will mean the world to them. It is the little things in life that we cherish and that make us giddy and nervous and excited and full of love all over again. You can never give enough love!

4) Make Undistracted Time for Each Other Every Day!

Today’s society is so distracting! At all times you have this little device in your pocket that is constantly buzzing and pulling your thumb and eyes in at every free moment you have. It is so important to take the time to put all of those distractions aside and be present in the moment that you have with your partner. My favorite time of the day is FaceTiming or calling Chris before bed. Before I call him, I make sure that I have already brushed my teeth, washed my face, turned my candle and diffuser on, and put my laptop or book down, so that I am cozy, present, and ready to share stories about our day.

Tip*: I find Face-Time to be the best form of communication because 1) It allows you to see their face and 2) You aren’t temped to browse around your phone on Instagram because they can see that your screen is “paused”.

3) Trust, Trust, Trust. What is Love Without Trust?

It was hard not to make trust the number one tip I have for a LDR because honestly, if you do not trust your partner, long distance will NEVER work. You will end up just driving each other crazy. Trust is something so sacred in a relationship. You must have so much if it that you would never even think about them betraying you while they are out living a separate life in their home city.

2) Wanting the Best for Each Other + Encouraging One Another to Chase THEIR Dreams!

Holding someone back or preventing them from chasing their dreams and pursuing their passions to an extent can lead to an unhealthy relationship. I am constantly bombarded with the question, “I can’t believe you let Chris move to Hawaii. Why don’t you move there too?” This statement and question makes my blood boil. Let me break it down.

“I can’t believe you let Chris move to Hawaii” – First of all, Chris is his own person and yes, we are partner’s and we are a team, but I want the best for him. I want him to go out and chase his dreams, and I would never want to be the person to hold him back from doing just that. It is so important to allow your SO to live their best life and chase their dreams or they will end up resenting you for holding them back. It is toxic when a partner doesn’t want the best for you and holds you back from pursing your dreams and aspirations. This again falls back to Tip #3, trust. If you trust your partner, it is much easier to want the best for them and to let them be free to achieve their goals and dreams.

“Why don’t you move there too?” – I definitely want to move to Hawaii eventually but right now I have my own dreams and aspirations that fall higher on my bucket list. As much as it is important to have shared passions and hobbies in common, it is okay to have your own dreams and aspirations. It is so common for couples to become “one” with their decision-making and for one partner to just follow the other partner’s dreams. I’ve witnessed this first hand with my parents and unfortunately, the partner who is following their SO’s dreams usually loses their sense of identity and who they are as a person. The most beautiful relationship in my eyes are two independent beautifully driven people who have their own passions and skills and when they co-exist and come together as a team, they lift each other higher, their individual dreams become one, and magic happens.

This leads to my final and number one tip for being in a relationship.

1) Find true love and happiness within yourself to allow the perfect love to come to you.

Here is a beautiful quote from one of my favorite poets, Atticus:

“Obsession is not love, infatuation is not love, when someone ignores you, or treats you poorly, carelessly, or with indifference, that’s not love – that’s a lack of love, for yourself. For trying to fill your missing pieces with theirs, but when someone is whole, and you are whole, and you act in kindness and benevolence, vulnerability through strength, love becomes an exchange with another person – and that is the truest form.” - Atticus

I cannot emphasize how important it is to love and accept all versions of yourself and find happiness within yourself before you can truly be happy in a relationship with somebody else. Whenever I find myself upset or angry with my partner, I try to step back and ask myself, “Is this really something that he is doing that is upsetting me, or am I just unhappy with something in my life right now that is making me take it out on him?"

Take the time to be alone whether you can be alone for one day per week or just a few hours per day. Take the time to love yourself; to love being in your own mind and in your own skin. Find and define those piece of you that make you, you, a whole-hearted, beautiful human being. Because at the end of the night, whether you are sleeping next to a loved one or by yourself, all you have is your mind and your body. So be nice to your mind and your body, love yourself for who you are because you are unique and you are in fact a miracle. Giving yourself this self-reflection and finding true love in all that you are, will allow someone else to give you the same deepest, happiest, and truest love.

7 Tips to Having a Successful and Healthy Long-Distance Relationship